Feeling so defeated today.
There's a sense of impending doom.
Like I'm about to let down everyone who's looked with admiration at my ability to carry the burden.
"You're so strong."
I've heard it 100 times. But as I sit in my work cubicle powerless to prevent the tears and sniffles from overtaking me I wonder if we are not all deluded.
I am not invincible.
I may have already fallen.
Is there anyway to know?

Is depression not defeat? Is it temporary?
Have I not already failed to reach my potential?
Any power I thought I had seems so useless.
Have I not been crippled? Pushed down and pushed aside-- once marginalized, how can one return?
I pray for a better life, for a rest from the fight, but I no longer believe it is possible.

I have given it my best attempt and that was not good enough.
Am I allowed to give up?
If so, what does that mean?

And once faith is lost, can it be restored? Or does that only happen in the movies.

I always said they can have it all but they will never be able to take my brain and my hope. But my hope is missing if not gone.

Leaving my brain of not much use but this asking of uninspired questions.